Category: Activities

The Lineup

Schedule of Events

Saturday, October 31 · Southeast Lawn of the US Capitol · Doors at 2:00 PM

A rough (extremely subject to change) run of show. Grab a schedule, pick your chaos, and don’t miss the headline set.

Free novelty scratch cards themed entirely around made,up tariff percentages — scratch to reveal your “rate,” then trade it in at the booth for a small prize based on your luck. Nothing real, nothing to buy, just a goofy nod to a very online economic debate turned into a two,minute booth activity. Every card wins something. Stop by any time, no purchase or wallet required.

A food booth serving actual galley,style dishes inspired by what sailors eat underway — hearty, no,frills, and surprisingly good, served on real metal trays for the full mess,hall effect. It’s a fun detour from typical festival food, built for anyone curious what life at sea actually tastes like. Portions are generous, lines move fast. Located near the food court — cash and card both accepted.

Grab a blank postcard, write down whatever “truth” you feel like getting off your chest — serious, silly, or somewhere in between — and drop it in the mailbox at the booth. Some get read aloud by a rotating host throughout the day (anonymously, always), others just get mailed straight to a P.O. box for safekeeping. It’s part art project, part release valve, entirely up to you how deep you want to go. Stop by any time, no line, no pressure.

Step up to a photobooth built to look exactly like one of those license,plate,reading cameras popping up on every street corner these days, strike your best “definitely not up to anything” pose, and get a souvenir print styled like a surveillance snapshot. It’s satire dressed up as a photo op — funny precisely because it looks a little too real. Prints ready in under a minute. Booth runs all day near the main walkway.

A big arcade,style scoreboard tracks the day’s most theatrically over,the,top costume performances, ranking contestants on sheer villain energy — best evil laugh, most dramatic entrance, biggest ego on stage. It’s less a real contest and more a running bit that updates throughout the festival, with commentary from a rotating host keeping score. Check the board between sets to see who’s currently reigning supreme. Updated live all day near the main stage.

A fully invented, tongue,in,cheek “ceremony” performed hourly on a small side stage — robes, fog machine, a dramatic staff,banging entrance, and a made,up ritual that supposedly ends all conflict for exactly one hour. It’s theater, not tradition: performers wrote every word of it themselves, purely for the bit. Expect fog, chanting nonsense in unison, and a genuinely funny payoff. Runs on the hour, every hour — no audience participation required, just show up and watch.

Robes on, gavels down, game on. The Supreme Basketball Court is a full pickup,game setup where players suit up in judicial robes over their jerseys for pun,heavy three,on,three games all day long. Expect terrible “overruled” jokes every time someone gets blocked, and a genuinely competitive game underneath all the bit. Open court, rotating teams — just show up and get subbed in. Balls and robes provided, sneakers required.

A full drag revue built entirely around political theater — bill,signing lip syncs, filibuster,length gowns, and numbers that turn C,SPAN energy into an actual show. Performers bring the looks, the comedy, and the choreography; the crowd brings the volume. It’s polished, it’s funny, and it’s one of the can’t,miss stage sets of the festival. One night only on the main stage — arrive early for a good spot.

A live read,and,rate bit where volunteers submit outrageously over,the,top “dating profile” bios written in full campaign,speak — think stock photos, talking points instead of hobbies, and bios that sound suspiciously like press releases. A rotating panel rates each one for cringe, charisma, and sheer commitment to the bit, with the crowd weighing in too. It’s a parody of self,promotion culture, nothing more. New submissions read throughout the day — write your own at the booth to get in the mix.